Opening up

Telling someone you know that you're into Bondage isn't easy.  When the munch group I used to go to (a kind of get together for the kinky minded) switched venues, one member wouldn't come because he knew too many people in there and didn't want to run the risk of being outed.

Given that BDSM is always going to be something of a underground scene, telling someone you're into it has the potential to be a disaster.  I've only ever done it twice.  The first time was March 2012 when a friend had found out that I was going somewhere on Thursday nights and told everyone at work.  While entirely avoidable if I'd only parked nearer the pub we were meeting in, it led to another friend begging me to tell her where I was going.

So, frustrated and annoyed, I told her.  It's Bondage.  She was shocked and I was perversely satisified but nevertheless thankful that she accepted that it was a part of my life.  I'm quite a private person and I don't like opening up to people, so her begging got on my nerves.  The reaction I had was born of gut instinct and it could have ended up very badly.  That it didn't and we're still friends is somethign I'm grateful for.

The second time was to my ex girlfriend and ended up being a great blurt and splurge session which left her speechless and uncertain what I wanted from our relationship.  While she did come round and we tried lots of bondage, it also awakened other insecurities which ultimately brought our relationship to an end.

Anyway, the point is that the first time I kept it simple, even if that simplicity was the result of anger.  Maybe if I'd done that the second time things would have gone better, but really it's hard to tell.  However it's given me a good tip to pass on.  That is keep it as simple as possible.  Start by telling them you're into BDSM and leave it at that.

Answer any questions they ask in as few words as you can and certainly employ no more than a sentence.  Whatever you do, don't go all evangelical and pour on the zeal as you explain to your confused girlfriend the many great and wonderful aspects of BDSM that you enjoy and ask her on the spot, if it's something she wants to try.

So remember, keep it simple and let people come around at their own pace.